The Germany Survival Bible: We Need Your Help

[daryl_lindsey]

In the run-up to the World Cup tournament, we're putting together a cultural guide for visitors. Every country has its quirks -- both good and bad -- and we want you to share your observations and questions about Germany and the Germans.

[barbatus]

Well, to answer just the first few questions:

Why do pedestrians wait for the light to change at 3:00 a.m.?

Do they really? I've seen many who do not, and they definitely weren't foreigners (or even local 'Gastarbeiters').

Why are the shops closed on Sunday?

It's Sunday, isn't it? (And not all shops are closed.)

Is German beer a stereotype or a reality?

It is a reality indeed. Even after other Europeans armtwisted Germany out of its century-old Purity Law, Germany is your country if you're like good beer. Try not to ask for Miller Light in a German Kneipe.

Why do toilets have shelves?

Never seen one. Honest.

Why do we have to bag our own groceries at the supermarket -- assuming we get to the checkout in the first place?

Eventually you will get there. And why not bag it yourself? What are you, a Countess? With all American 'democratic' inclinations, they depend to much on servants (whatever politically correct way they call those servants now).

And why are there so many dogs on German streets and naked people on German beaches?

Haven't noticed any more dogs than in Brooklyn or Denver or Chicago. As for the naked people, Germans are less hypocrits, which makes them no less modest.

Are Germans rude?

Could be, when react to rudeness.

Why are there so many sex shops?

Not many enough ... Kidding :)

[vakas]

It was Oktoberfest, and I was in Hofbräuhaus enjoying what Germans enjoy the most. Suddenly a guy got up and started telling how coward and disloyal Germans are, who left their big-brother in lurch, in Iraq war. He happened to be an American war veteran. He was booed during this monologue. And that seemed to assure him, that Germans are forgetting what America did for them.

He was a bit louder in the second outburst, and that was too much for a couple of proud Müncheners; they got up and one of them threw two healthy punches at the soldier. The soldier who was obviously drunk was pushed out of the haus by the authorities there.

I went out after half an hour, and I found him standing outside with a bunch of other soldiers, apparently waiting for disrespectful Germans to come out, so that a revision of lesson could be arranged.

To tell you all the truth, many of the American bagpackers and armymen, unfortunately are so rude, that liking them is not really a valid option (and there are plenty of them in Germany). Germans might not be anti-american (personally I wonder why not), but they certainly are not deaf and dumb.

[el Jens]

It is normally no problem (at least not yet) to smoke in German restaurants and bars (that is, as long as no-one else on the table is eating and you're sitting in a smoking compartement, easily to be recognized by the ashtrays on the tables), but there is one thing you might to keep in mind:

If you are in northern germany, especially if you are near the coast, don't light your cigarette with a candle (if there is one on the table). The saying goes that you kill a sailor doing so.

This saying has actually a background:
during earlier times, the sailors who couldn't go out on the sea during the winter earned their living by selling matches.

[zigwig]

Some random observations:

- There's a refreshing lack of nationalism and patriotism in Germany, and instead there is a healthy dose of political awareness and criticism, which can sometimes veer into negativism.

- I love German saunas and the Germans' pragmatic approach to public nudity. I will email my detailed description of a typical German sauna. I also remember watching the Rudi Carrell Show once a month as a child in the 70s. At some point, some blond woman always got to take her top off and shake her boobs for a few seconds. This was a family quiz show on prime-time TV on Saturday nights. It seemed perfectly normal to me to be watching this with my parents and sister.

- I love the German acceptance of drinking in public. The fact that you can walk down the street with an open beer in hand, that you can drink beer anywhere you please, that you can return to your seat on a high speed intercity train with a glass of good beer, is highly civilized to me, and something I miss in Canada. When I tell people here that as a class field trip in grade 8 in Germany, at age 14, we all got to tour a brewery and taste the beer at the end, they find it hard to believe. In North America, that teacher would have been sued.

- I love German Carnival. Many foreigners think of Rio, of Venice, of Basel, when they think of Carnival/Mardi Gras. But I grew up in Cologne which is one of the many German cities that celebrates this occasion properly. Where else but in Germany can you find seriously-looking men and women in suits wearing funny hats at a Carnival-Sitzung, listening to satirical speeches? Germans organize even their fun events down to a "T". This is not a sign of lack of humour at all. But maybe Germans need to tidy everything up and feel organized first before getting down with it.

- In Germany, it's OK to share a table in a restaurant with strangers, especially if it's a casual lunch place or outdoor patio. You should ask first, though. My theory the higher density in central Europe necessitates more physical closeness sometimes, which can lead to more complex social rules and mental separation. But still, sharing a table can be a good way to meet people. But you may all just ignore each other too.

- Drinks such as juices, water, and even beer, are usually served at room temperature in Germany. It's much better for you! Believe me! Who needs all that ice!

- Tipping is not necessary or even expected. Just round up the bill to the nearest Euro, unless you've made a huge mess around your spot.

- Waiters will usually gladly split the bill as many ways as your party wants. Just ask nicely.

- Most Germans speak English, especially the younger ones. They enjoy practicing their English. They will not feel insulted if you don't try to speak German.

- To go to a night club in Germany, you probably won't want to show up much before 11 pm or even midnight. Things just get going then, and they're open until the wee morning hours.

- There aren't many sales in Germany, if you're shopping for clothes or souvenirs. I could be wrong, but they only have 2 per year, I believe. And I would advise you to stay away from the sales tables in the department stores at that time, as the worst characteristics of Germans, which I am describing below, such as entitlement, indignation, feistiness, and argumentativeness, all come to the surface at once for this occasion. It's not worth the money you save, because the resulting aggravation will cost you years of your life.

- OK, so sometimes the humour can be lacking. There is a certain contingent of Germans that are basically a self-appointed police force. They will spend an inordinate amount of energy pointing out to you that you have parked incorrectly, should not hang your laundry out the window, have gained weight, look bad in green, and should see a dermatologist. To thank them for the unsolicited advice would probably stun them; I believe they expect you to tell them to mind their own business so that they can then arrive at the indignant state of mind that they thrive on. Never be afraid of exchanging words with a German; they are not as naturally polite as the British or Canadians, and can be very meddlesome.

- Besides righteous indignation, there can be an air of entitlement about Germans. I like to compare them to Americans in that regard. I think it comes naturally when you are part of a nation that is powerful, efficient, tidy, successful and has a high standard of living. You start to expect things to be done a certain way, and complain loudly when they fall short. This is not a good trait in my opinion.

All for now... my 2 ˘. That was fun.

tschüss!

[Vorlich]

It seems strange that the producers of this forum don't appear to have read the classic "Getting along with the Germans" by Bob Larson. As true today as it was in 1983 when it was first published.

Most Germans stand at the traffic lights because they have been taught to obey the rules.

Germans have shelves in their bathroom and this is no more unusual than the Dutch, the Americans or really anyone else. You need shelves in a bathroom.

There are more sex shops (Marital hygiene shops) than in Britain, but curiously the German shops are less in your face than the British ones. Anne Summers Shops don't pretend to have some medical purpose.

Shops (all of them) are closed on a Sunday because a) Germany does not have a free market and b) the trade unions would not allow it.

You pack your own bags in a supermarket and queue for hours because customer service is an almost novel concept here and also refer back to the reasons shops don't open on a Sunday.

In the beautiful South Germany, there are almost no dogs on the streets and unlike the UK, there is no dog fouling either.

As for the beer, really Germany is the back bone of European civilisation, English would not exist if it hadn't been for the Saxons and Angles and the ability of Germany to produce a farming surplus with its huge variety of beer, breads and sausage.

Germans don't have any greater obsession with Garden Gnomes than the French or the English. Germany simply has more old people who like that sort of thing.

In German culture, correctness takes precedent over politeness.

In English culture the opposite is the case. This is why some poorly-travelled English speakers have a false perception that Germans are rude. German students are scared to answer questions in case they are wrong, whereas English speaking students will tell you any old rubbish in order to avoid appearing dis-respectful.

You can find out more on my blog at

http://abavarianfarmhouse.blogspot.com/

This avoids me writing any more free stuff for the Giant Spiegel Corp, who can easily afford to pay for this material - a subject that would surely interest the German Journalists Union.

[zigwig]

- In some German brew pubs, the fact that you're in there means you're there to drink beer. When you have finished your glass, the waiter will bring you another beer without you having ordered it. You will have to tell them to stop bringing beer when you're done.

- Queuing up used to be a huge mess in Germany. I am almost sad to observe that the ridiculously bad queuing, which consisted of pushing yourself up to any random sales counter by liberal elbow use, has been replaced by a more British way. Guideposts connected by pretty ribbons, creating pathways, leading intelligently to one central place from which you then approach the next available clerk, are sprouting up everywhere. This development robs me of the opportunity to truly make fun of bad German queuing.

- If you are at someone's house as a guest, you do not help yourself to anything. It is the host's job to offer you everything, and they usually will, 10 times per meal if necessary. This way you are relieved of the need to ask for seconds. You will be expected to try at least one piece of each cake at Kaffee-Klatsch time. Since there will usually be at least two, often three different kinds of cake in any self-respecting German household, you can expect significant weight gain if visiting Germans repeatedly over a period of time.

- And what about the purpose of the little platform or shelf in many German toilets? It's getting less common than it used to be. But frankly, I have no idea why it's there, and I am not going to make any psychological-based guesses either. I prefer the water-filled bowl we have in North America because of its distinct olfactory advantages.

- In many German parks, you will see the sign "Betreten des Rasens verboten." It's a beautiful German genitive, but it's wasted, because it's telling you not to step on the grass. Basically, "The stepping on of the lawn is forbidden." I am not sure what then the purpose of the lawn is, if not to be lazed and lounged on. But maybe the lawn is meant more for visual enjoyment than to be trampled on by the large German population.

cheers!

[zigwig]

Originally Posted by Vorlich

This avoids me writing any more free stuff for the Giant Spiegel Corp, who can easily afford to pay for this material - a subject that would surely interest the German Journalists Union.

Threatening with the trade union ... spoken like a true German.

But seriously, nobody is forcing you to post here. I think the idea is to gather some ideas that people can toss out. Why does everything have to be paid? This is a public forum to exchange ideas and information. Much of the stuff we write here is not going to be of a publishable calibre anyway. Believe me, I am conscious of not giving away my work for free either, at least not in my profession, but I have no credentials as a writer. I am perfectly willing to give away my amateur writing for free.

So ... I don't get all that need for crankiness. Whazzup with that?

[amyelmo]

Why do pedestrians wait for the light to change at 3:00 a.m.?

In my experience, it is quite common to wait. However, generally, the motivation is to show good example to children. yet, even at 3am when noone or no cars are there, the 'conditioning' appears to be still there.

Why are the shops closed on Sunday?

Wonderful German shopping laws, even supposedly 'Catholic' countries like Ireland have most of their shops open on Sunday. But in Germany you need to find a 'tankstelle'/gas station or go to the 'hauptbahnhof'/train station to get even a litre of milk. Convenience shops that open early and close late are non existant. But it's better than it was ... I first visited Germany a few years ago, and then most of the shops closed at 14.00 or 16.00 on Saturday - now it seems to be 20.00 or 18.00.

Is German beer a stereotype or a reality?

It is a reality indeed. Even after other Europeans armtwisted Germany out of its century-old Purity Law, Germany is your country if you're like good beer. Try not to ask for Miller Light in a German Kneipe.

and there are many to choose from...

Why do toilets have shelves?

Just because ... why not?!
Why do we have to bag our own groceries at the supermarket -- assuming we get to the checkout in the first place?

just remember that you will probably be paying for each bag you use ... so reuse, recycle (very popular in Germany)
And why are there so many naked people on German beaches?


Germans seem to be comfortable with their bodies ... whatever the shape or size. Just be aware - most saunas etc. are without bathing costumes.
Are Germans rude?


they are direct, I think that it is differenct, they simply are not hippocrites.

Why are there so many sex shops?

Again Germans are not hippocrites, these things exist, so they don't stick it onto back pages.

oh, and don't forget to have MANY 'kaffee und kuchen' -coffee and cakes when you're here. Germans really know how to make a torte.

[JBerg]

- Wait until everyone says 'Prost' (Cheers!) before taking a drink of your beer. Germans wait until everyone receives their drink and 'Prost' is wished to all before diving into their beer. Most Americans start drinking as soon as they receive their drink...a very embarassing and rude mistake when celebrating with German companions!

- While many Americans eat only with their fork and the other hand in their lap, this is considered very bad table manners in Germany. Germans eat with their FORK and their KNIFE at all times (almost), and their hands are always placed visibly on the table. It's also polite to wish 'Guten Appetit!' before starting your meal.

- It's also important to be introduced to the Döner Kebap, possibly the #1 Fastfood and Late-Nite Snack in German culture. Döner is a Turkish Gyro with grilled meat, lettuce and yoghurt sauce. You can find a Döner store on nearly every corner (along with a Bakery - Backerei), and you will instantly know you've found one when you see the large, turning spit of meat in the store window (and the line of customers at 3:00 a.m.). I recommend the yoghurt sauce WITHOUT garlic...